The Rolling Stones were sort of okay at Glastonbury – but Keith Richards with a paunch? Really?

That's more like it

Okay, it was… quite interesting. And not too overwhelmingly embarrassing, I suppose. And at least none of them actually pegged out during the performance. Or broke a hip. Or had to have somebody “sit with” them for a bit while they recovered. But Mick Taylor looked a bit non-plussed, Keith Richards now sports one of those unattractive paunches skinny old men tend to acquire, and I did keep wondering whether Sir Mick wasn't going to do himself a mischief jigging around like that at his age. Mainly, it all made me feel horribly old.

The first three songs of the televised segment were pretty dire – the idea of a 69-year old wandering around Central Park after dark was distinctly worrying; I suspect nobody over 35 should be allowed to brag about their overpowering sexuality (unless they're advertising Viagra), as Jagger did on “Midnight Rambler” (and if he's rambling at that time of night, he's probably just forgotten where he lives); and Sir Mick had evidently had an unresolved difference of opinion with the rest of the band as to which key “2000 Light Years from Home” should be performed in (the answer, of course, is "none" - just forget it).

It got a bit better after that, but the beat remained lumpy and unconvincing throughout. Charlie Watts was on fine form, but the rhythm guitar work kept letting him down (Nile Rodgers and Chic the previous night were so much better - crisp and exact and joyous). All in all, the sight of a bunch of old buggers trying to rock reminded me of that comment by Dr Johnson: “Sir, a woman's preaching is like a dog's walking on his hind legs. It is not done well; but you are surprised to find it done at all."

Rather than concentrate on the Rattling Bones themselves, I thought I’d feature some of my favourite Stones soundalike performances instead (sorry - you'll have to click through to YouTube to listen to some of them - DRM, I suppose), starting with the best of the lot:

And, of course, the greatest "Stones record not by the Stones" from the Sixties: